The Following Takes Place Between the Hours of Absurd and Inane

I curse the day I started watching 24.  Eight seasons and I never bothered watching until the seventh.  I wonder, was it any good in the first six seasons?  Because at this point I feel like I'm watching a telenovella written by the commandant of the Marine Corps.  The season started off just fine.  In fact, I didn't have too much complaint with it until after President Hassan was killed.  That's when the plot departed from the standard improbabilities and went into full gonzo bloom.  It has veered so far beyond plausibility, I can't take the storyline seriously anymore.  I make no claims to being the sharpest knife in the drawer, but when even I can spot all of the story gaps and clunky plot developments, you know your writers have reached exhaustion and/or gotten lazy.  Let's round up some examples from the last few weeks, shall we?  Grab a drink and get comfy, because this could take awhile.

1.  Jack's Guiding Principles.  Jack has always operated in a pretty stark black-and-white world of bad guys vs. good guys, and all options are on the table in dealing with bad guys.  The press has spilled plenty of ink discussing the grayness of his methodology, but I don't see the grayness in his methods for extracting information at all.  If he's working with a bad guy, ALL options are on the table.  Pretty cut-and-dry in my opinion.  The nuance is found in his construction of good vs. bad, because make no mistake, his construction is his own, and is a subjective matrix developed from his own perception. 

Take the peripheral issue that this season is built around, illicit arms dealing.  He is trying to track down the source (bad guys) of the nuclear weapons being sold to a terrorist group (also bad guys).  Once Jack crosses over to being pursued by CTU, he relies on his spook buddy (good guy) to provide him with all sorts of great weapons and intel on what CTU is up to.  We don't know who he is, except to assume he's probably former CIA, probably dealing arms Lord of War-style to Sandanista rebels and the Lord's Resistance Army (not-my-concern guys?)  So in his subjective matrix, are the Russian mob bad for dealing arms because of what they're dealing (nuclear arms?)  Does he only care because American lives are at stake?  The answer is, I don't know.  And that's the point:  only Jack knows when someone crosses over.  But these inconsistincies have always existed with this show, and could find justifications somehow.  They are a pattern, though, for the total departure from any defensible stance for where this season has gone.

Jack's big defense to everything he does is "I serve the interests of America at the order of the President, who is a good guy and is to be obeyed at all times.  Unless the President does something I think is wrong, in which case, they are a bad guy, and I will destroy them along with anyone and anything that may be associated with their misdeeds."  Past example:  Former President Logan.  Current example: President Taylor.  In the case of Logan, he was behind a terrorist group's procurement of VX1 nerve gas that was used in a number of attacks on American soil.  Nefarious.  Dastardly.  Bad Guy-ish.  I understand burning him to the ground.  But this current fight with Taylor makes no sense.  Jack is generally very quick at recognizing strategic consequences of actions.  So let's look at Taylor's decision to bury the information pointing to Russian involvement in the plot to kill Hassan, the decision that supposedly landed her on Jack's "Bad Persons" list.  The peace agreement was to be the crown jewel in Taylor's foreign policy.  It had the potential to avert war with Hassan's country and bring stability to a terminally unstable region.  The Russian government wanted to withdraw from the peace agreement, never wanted it to be finalized.  If Taylor reveals the evidence against the Russians, they suffer a significant black eye in the diplomatic community, but the peace talks are over, they got what they wanted.  If she moves to suppress the evidence, there is a chance that the peace agreement goes through and achieves its potential outcome, all while sticking it to the Russians by forcing them to sign an agreement they hate.

I don't mean to minimize the ethical implications of Taylor's decision, but it's difficult to argue that a move to deter a possible future war with another middle eastern country and securing an abandonment of any nuclear program is in the interest of the United States.  But Jack is evidently no longer interested in the long-term good of Americans.  See, his special lady, Renee, was shot by a Russian sniper today.  And that makes Jack angry.  In Jack's matrix of good vs. bad, good can be maliable, unless he's angry.  Then it's not.  Then it's time for Jack to start fires.  His code of protecting America's interests at all costs is now being overridden by his need for vengeance.  Once Jack secured the evidence of the Russian cover-up from Dana Walsh and gave it to the press, he didn't quit there.  He's tracking the path of orders up the food chain and killing everyone involved along the way, which will eventually lead him, I assume, to assassinate foreign heads of state and possibly a former U.S. president.  Under what code is that okay?  The logical conclusion here is that the writers are going to kill Jack off in the season finale next week.  But why kill off the beloved berater in such an insane, deplorable, frenzied course of events?  Why couldn't he take one last bullet for the president or something honorable and true to his series-long guiding priniples?  Why send him out crazy with rage and vengence, an enemy of the state he has always fought to defend?

2.  Jack Houdini.  Is Jack the only person working in intelligence that knows how to find folks who don't want to be found?  Once he goes rogue, it's like he's being pursued by the Keystone Kops.  The President sends him to be "debriefed" at the air force base, which is basically like putting him in a holding cell until the peace agreement can be signed.  He is being led to a helicopter by an agent with at least two other agents following with (plastic?) tactical assault weapons.  He manages to disarm his guard and use him as a hostage to hijack the helicopter, because of course he knows how to fly one.  He lands on a building in NYC and manages to disappear on foot despite the other aircraft following overhead and NYPD on the ground.  Later, he is lured into a trap by the new Acting Director of CTU (???), Chloe.  She sends one squad of four agents to apprehend someone she knows to be sneakier than all of them combined?  Good first move.  So he disarms them all and convinces Ortiz to help him by revealing the cover-up (to which Ortiz would actually have said "SO?  Taylor didn't participate in the assassination.  She has knowledge of a confession detailing unverified information from a source who is verifiably untrustworthy.  She is proceeding with the agreement until she can get better answers.  I'm a soldier with orders."  But he didn't, because the writers need to kill Jack off.)  Jack and Ortiz locate Dana Walsh and kidnap her from a black bag squad of at least eight Blackwater private security contractors, disappearing with Walsh before CTU can arrive.  Jack demands to know where the evidence is, and Walsh is like "get bent" and Jack yells "I'll kill you right here" and Walsh is like "okay, it's in a safe deposit box at the bank." When they go to the bank to get the evidence, the bomb Walsh placed in the box for just such a possibility conveniently knocks Ortiz unconsious, but not Walsh, and somehow does so without destroying the disk that holds the evidence.  She calls the police from inside the room and informs them that Jack is in the foyer of the bank.  Having Jack on their Most Wanted list all day, knowing that he has eluded capture at least twice already that day, and with an Armed and Dangerous tag on him, NYPD sends two cops to arrest him.  They don't tell the two cops to wait for backup or put out a "calling all cars" to surround the building.  Instead, the two run in with guns drawn, getting one cop shot in the foot and the other knocked unconsious.  Jack pursues Walsh out onto the street for a volley of gunfire and chases her MAYBE a half-block into a building that is under construction, but curiously devoid of construction workers.  Walsh blindly leads them into a corner on the top floor with no exit.  They are a half-block from the scene where Jack just shot a police officer.  NYPD and CTU are both on the way.  He executes her at close range and somehow manages to escape the coming fury.  Suddenly CTU's magical facial recognition program, the one that can find Jack in a sea of millions of people, is too busy looking for one of the Olsen Twins on the upper west side. 

Next, he needs to get the evidence to the press, so he calls the reporter lady that was sleeping with Hassan (who Jack happens to have on speed dial?) and sets up a meeting at Macy's.  He walks in, knowing there are probably people on his trail by now.  He grabs the reporter and manages to identify and shoot all four Russian operatives surrounding him.  All except the one that has actual information.  That one was hiding with his sniper rifle in the A/C duct, and Jack's Lord of War arms dealer friend takes him prisoner without a fight.  Fortuitous, don'cha think?  Anyway, Jack gets in a blazing gunfight at Macy's and manages to walk out with Lord of War, the reporter, and a Russian sniper without detection.  He leads the group to some deserted cargo bay at Macy's where he ties the sniper up and attempts to extract information from him.  He demands to know who ordered Hassan's death and the Russian was like "get bent" and Jack yells "I'll kill you right now" and the Russian is like "two times." Apparently Russians and Jack are the only ones who can say "get bent" and mean it.  So Jack cuts him to pieces in order to retrieve the guy's cellphone SIM card that he had swallowed.  He places the card back in the phone and dials the last number called, which leads to ex-President Logan's voicemail box.  Jack is shocked that Logan is involved.  What I am shocked about is that here Logan is, elbow-deep in this cover-up plot and he uses his own voicemail box to receive calls from the assassin??  Lord Bankok feels your pain, Mr. President.  Plus, the whole outcome of this scheme he has cooked up relies on the success of this sniper's mission to eliminate Jack, and he doesn't answer the phone??  Something more important you're doing today, sir?  Sorry, that kind of stupidity deserves what's coming. 

So Jack procures Logan's travel route to the U.N. and intercepts his limo.  Now, I'm not sure about Secret Service details for former presidents, but two agents and a driver?  Really?  Anyway, Jack predictably overpowers them.  He drags Logan back into some sort of maintenance tunnel and demands to know who ordered Hassan's death and Logan says "get bent" and Jack yells "I'll kill you in five seconds" and Logan pisses his pants at two and tells him that it was the Russian foreign minister that was directing the plot to kill Hassan.  Just as Logan confesses this, they hear pursuers coming.  Jack chokes Logan unconsious and sneaks away behind some shelves.  The agents in pursuit secure Logan; the lead agent sends the other two to look for Jack.  They come back literally about eight seconds later with looks that say, "We must have walked like 10 or 12 feet back there, but after that, the light gets dim, so he ain't back there and I ain't chasing him in the dark."  So Jack disappears again.

And blasts his way into the Russian foreign minister's office and kills probably at least 10 Russian guards and nails the foreign minister to the floor with a fireplace poker.  And what do you think happens next?  You guessed it.  He disappears.  Wounded though.  So one of the Russians finally learned to shoot.  Sorta.

3.  Jack's Clock Management.  Remember how this season started?  Jack was about to get on a plane for L.A. with his daughter to go live the good life in the warm California sun.  He was done, his service to America was finished.  That was 22 hours ago.  His daughter has barely landed in the city of angels and is likely just wrapping up lunch.  He is one crazy time bender.  Let's just cut the whole first half of the season loose and focus on the show from the time Hassan went live on YouTube.  That was at 8:00 AM.

It is currently 2:00 PM, a mere six hours later.  Immediately after Hassan's death at 8:00 AM, Jack headed to the U.N. to debrief the President.  From there, he went home for some skyrockets in flight with Renee, followed by Renee being shot by a sniper and a subsequent trip to the hospital where he waited for Renee to die.  He heads to the federal courthouse to talk to the Russian mobster that was selling the nuclear weapons and find out who killed Renee.  Then he goes back to CTU to question Dana Walsh.  He contacts President Taylor to let her know that Walsh says the Russians are responsible for sabatoging the peace agreement by plotting Hassan's death.  He then waits there for her to come all the way from the U.N. to tell him "get bent" in person.  Nice touch.  This is when he hijacks the helicopter and flies into the city.  He makes multiple trips to Lord of War's hideout, escapes Acting Director Chloe's trap with Ortiz, kidnaps Walsh, to the bank, to Macy's, scouts Macy's for the best lookout spot for a sniper so Lord of War can intercept him, interrogates the sniper, sets the reporter loose, ambushes ex-President Logan on foot, and then gets to the Russian foreign minister's office to settle a score.  And to bring some real perspective here, it's just after lunch now; late last night, around 11:00 PM, Renee stabbed Jack in the abdomen, and sometime around midnight he was hanging from a ceiling hooked to a car battery and taking one heckuva beating.  But not to worry, all you Bauermaniacs, he's still got two hours to assassinate the Russian president and probably Logan, too!

I'm sorry for such a long, pointless post.  And I'm sorry for those who are genuinely enjoying this season.  It's just fallen so far from plausible, I had to vent.  What a debacle.  I have no complaint with killing off the main character for the series finale.  But not like this.  Not betraying everything he's always defended.  Not as a nut job.  It's a crappy way to end a series. 

Wanted: Suitcase Full of Money, Air Conditioned Living Quarters

My time has been consumed lately with Things That Must Be Done.  I'm finding that navigating the different phases of going back to school is, by itself, a major undertaking.  Getting accepted is just the beginning.  I've never pursued beyond acceptance. 

The whole application process reminds me a bit of high school courtship.  You see all the attractive programs out there, and the opportunities seem endless.  You slowly narrow down the pool and focus your resources: one gimme, a few competitive candidates, and your dream program (and then there's that one really sexy, kinda dangerous option that you can't get out of your head, even after she's spurned you).  You ask these select few out on a date, using the opportunity to extol your many desireable qualities and learning as much as you can about what they have on offer.  They look you over, and you just keep your fingers crossed that your goods are good enough to get to "yes".  You walk that line of knowing when to keep talking and when to shut up.  You ask yourself, "How do I express continued interest without wearing on nerves," known by its more common rendering, "When is it too early to call again?" Suddenly you find yourself four or five dates into it with The Dream and she's liking the cut of your jib, and you're pretty sure you're reading the right signs.  You walk her to the door and lean in for that first kiss and she gives you the greenlight. And it's all fireworks and butterflies and hockey sirens. 

Now what?  You've worked so hard just to get here and now you realize how little study you've given to the chapter on After Yes.  The point of all of this is that I'm in uncharted waters here.  All of the application process, the GMAT debacle, the vomitous essays, two years of math courses at the community college, the nerves, all of it was just the work you have to do to get to a decision that says "Yes, you can come study here."  Now that the easy part is done, it's time to start the Phase II work of arranging the details (financing, housing, moving, etc.) of how to make it happen.  I'm wrestling with Thunderbird's bra strap, which, just like a real bra strap,  can be a bit daunting when you've never been closer than a billboard and you're working blind. 

So I've heard.

That's the long way of saying "I'm sorry for neglecting this space."  I hope to do better than 2-3 posts a month going forward, but who knows.  It all depends on how quickly I can get these details worked out.  Wish me luck.
      

Today on Apocalypse Watch, Revelations 6:7-8 Fulfilled

Be sure to click the blue link for context:

7  And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast (Honda) say, Come and see.
8  And I looked, and behold a pale horse:  and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.  And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth (Puerto Rico), to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.

Not sure on interpretations for the Hell to follow, or for what killing with the sword/hunger/death/beasts means.  Maybe a veiled reference to baseball?  Either way, signs of the times, people.  Y'all have any insight into these other symbols? 

Also, Milli-walk-a, is this even legal in America?  I mean real America, not territorial America.  And yes, Utah counts.