Every man who is pure of heart
And says his prayers by night
May become a wolf
When the wolfbane blooms
And the autumn moon is bright
-The Wolfman, 1941
Every year I go through my 'friends' list on Facebook and delete people who don't really belong there anymore. Though it is a public network, I keep my security settings on high in order to maintain as personal a space as is possible. By allowing 'friend' access to my page, I'm essentially opening a window for those people to perv on my life at will. It's perhaps understandable, then, that I would want to review and update who is allowed to see that information. The question then begs, how do I set the criteria for deleting acquaintances?
In purges past, it has been a fairly cut-and-dry process. Usually you can see the dead limbs on the friend tree that need pruning and it can be taken care of without emotion or explanation. There are those individuals that come into our lives as a summer breeze, for but a moment, and are gone just as quickly. An acquaintance with whom I've shared neither depth of experience nor span of years is jettisoned into interspace like dross from space station Mir. In contemplating this year's purge, I had no reason to expect any variation. However, events of the past few months indicate that this round may require a more nuanced approach.
That's because election season came into full swing like the turn of a full moon and revealed a smattering of my friends--seemingly reasonable chaps, people I actually like--to be shaggy, lumbering politi-beasts with breath wreaking of the undigested entrails of cable news talking heads. Any other time of the year, you can talk to these shapeshifters about business, sports, news, weather, even religion. They are rational in thought and make some effort towards empathy and reasonability. Then a pale, translucent mist of political ads hit the airwaves, signaling some primordial region of the brain that the time is nigh. Hair sprouts on the back and shoulders, ears elongate, fingernails grow into claws, and where human teeth used to reside are found canine incisors. They sit stooped at their computers chewing up the latest red meat offerings from the blogosphere before turning to their keyboards in a frenzy, pounding out tweets and status updates round the clock.
I'M GOING TO SAVE AMERICA THROUGH FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES!! THE REPUBLICANS/DEMOCRATS WANT TO TAKE AWAY YOUR RIGHTS BY DESTROYING/WORSHIPING MEDICARE/SOCIAL SECURITY/GUNS/CHEESE STEAKS, RAPING/SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT, AND/OR BRAINWASHING US ALL INTO BECOMING COMMUNIST/CHRISTIANS/ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS/MILITIA MEMBERS! I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY FROM ED SCHULTZ/SEAN HANNITY/RUSH LIMBAUGH/LAWRENCE O'DONNELL THAT THOSE OTHER GUYS ARE DEVIL WORSHIPERS WITH BLACK TAR IN THEIR VEINS WHO FEAST ON THE UNWANTED BABY GIRLS FROM RURAL INDIA AND CHINA AND THAT THEY WANT TO INCREASE/DECREASE TAXES IN ORDER TO FUND THEIR SHEEP ORGIES. NOT ON MY WATCH, SCUMBAGS!! NEVER FORGET!!
Really? I never knew that. I find it all very interesting. Please tell me more about your comically one-sided political views. You're sure to change my mind. Shall I don a bib while you spoon feed me? I'm not sure what proper protocol is for swallowing so much bullshit in one sitting. Please, tell me how you do it.
Anyway, the point is, you're howling up the wrong tree. I don't begrudge anyone a slanted political view. In fact I don't think it's possible to be completely unbiased. However, it almost seems like the people who consider themselves the most tuned-in, the most educated, the most current on the issues--indicated by the volume at which they spout it--are the most blind to the full assessment of a given issue. That's because they've already decided what they're going to think about it by the sources they choose for information. Black can be white and up can be down, so long as it is the person's preferred news outlet that tells it to them.
Enjoy the wolfbane while it blooms, my friends. It's a peculiar season. And if by some chance you find that we are no longer connected on Facebook, just know that you're probably a decent humanoid, but I can't watch you spin off this planet.
