Humungus Denounces Pretentious Navel Gazing

Dear Seeing,

You are free to point and mock all you want.  And it DOES make you a total jerk.  But to what end?  Thanks to folks like you, these people of whom you speak are almost certainly already aware of whatever glaring defect you are so itchy to point out.  Except maybe the bad breath guy.  He never seems to have a clue.  The reason doctors get to speak frankly about these issues is that the people have come to them seeking counsel for complications associated with these issues.  It is part of what they do.  They spend years in school learning to make their insults sound like constructive criticism, as opposed to your unschooled, overt disgust.

But that is all beside the point.  What I don't understand here is, where is your head?  If you intend to survive the apocalypse, you need to start practicing apocalypse thinking right now.  You should be grateful that these people have been stamped with such glaring signs of inferiority.  Open your eyes, jackal.  They are bright, shining beacons of your first meal of Armageddon.  They may as well carry banners that say, "Not fit to survive the collapse of civilisation.  Help yourself to my coat when Nuclear Winter arrives."  I'm not saying you need to inspect the contents of their garages to see what kind of goods they have, but it might not be a bad idea to tail them home, just to get an idea of where to find the low-hanging fruit on your first foraging expeditions.

You may also want to look around and assess who you have surrounded yourself with for friends.  You will need to form alliances for protection and procurement of necessities.  Also remember to avoid friends who display signs of extreme vanity.  Highlights in the hair isn't an immediate cause for concern, but coupled with waxed eyebrows, pedicured toenails, and a pierced bellybutton, the alarm bells should be ringing.  Every hour spent gazing in the mirror is an hour not spent honing survival skills.  Their inability to cope without running water or shopping malls is generally equal to the inability of the physically deformed to cope without prescription medication and mayonnaise.  If you see that a high proportion of your friends are stamped with one or more of these inferiorities, it may be time for you to branch out.  Try the gym.  Or the firing range.  Anywhere where you will find people practicing skills useful when chaos reigns over law. 

Come to think of it, you may want to do a self-assessment while you're at it.  If you feel you may be among the stamped, who knows?  Maybe with some work, there may still be time for you to get the target off your back.  Just don't come around me.  I don't want your stench of weakness rubbing off on me.  Sit tight and I'll be by to pick up all of your canned food and/or camping gear soon enough.