And the Lion Shall Lie Down With the Lamb

Last year's election was a first for our nation. We elected Abdir Ben Salaam al-Obama to be our first Muslim president. Wait, no, that's not right. He is our first domesticated terrorist president, right? No? He's the first president to openly hate white people? No? First black president?

That's right. Now I remember. This was to be a moment of transcendence, a turning point in the history of the world, when all whites and blacks and browns would beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nations would no longer lift up swords against one another, nor would they learn war anymore. At exactly 11 AM on January 20th, 2009, our new socialist overlord would begin a 1,000-year reign of peace and prosperity never before experienced on Earth or any of its tributary solar systems.

Well, boys and girls, that’s one party I wasn’t about to miss. And my brother, The Nuge, had the decency to come to DC to share in the inauguration festivities in January.  On Monday the 19^th, we worked in a road trip to NYC, Tyson’s first. It was a one day trip, so we didn't have time to see much. But that was just a diversion, a palate cleanser for the real event on the 20th. To hear the jokers on the TV tell it, the trains going into town would be jammed to capacity starting around 3 AM with people trying to get down to the National Mall. Naturally, we felt pressured to leave the house by 5 AM in order to get down and stake out our spot for history.

Stupid TV! Not only were the trains not filled to capacity, we even got seats on the train. Good thing, too, because it was the last time we would sit down until about three o'clock that afternoon.

Mirthful Pre-dawn Smile

We managed to get spots on the Mall right at the red brick Smithsonian castle, and we got there before dawn. Which was good because if we'd waited until the sun actually came up, we would never have experienced the 20-degree pre-dawn temperatures. Once the sun came out, it was almost too warm at 28 degrees. So there was that added bonus for the early birds that listened to the TV.

Other than that, it was pretty uneventful from six until about ten.   We stood around freezing and making occasional attempts at awkward conversation with those around us.  It was such a diverse crowd, all races and ethnicities waiting for the stroke of noon when we would magically scale all cultural barriers and be able to talk to each other. Some made early attempts to figure it out on their own.  I wanted to say, “Look, man, just sit back and relax.  In a few more hours, we’ll have a black/white president.  This conversation will go so much smoother and you’ll look far less ridiculous. ” But I didn’t. Watching the bespectacled white guy in his twenties with the Dave Matthews patch on his backpack trying to make conversation with the black lady in the purple floor-length leather overcoat with gold teeth was just too entertaining.  And it was the only way to keep my mind off the ache of my frozen feet.

Great View of the Speech

Finally, at 11 AM, Lord Zenu descended the Capitol steps on Aslan and knighted Sir Barry the new King of Job Creation and Economic Gravy. I cheered, because I like gravy, economic or otherwise. And from the sound of the crowd, I wasn't alone. I was excited to dab up some gravy with a loaf of unity bread with my new brothers and sisters. The One gave a speech, we cheered again, yada-yada-yada. You saw all that on TV.

What you didn’t see was the Bataan Death March out of there.  The exit strategy for this event had to have been planned by Paul Bremer.  The two nearest subway stations out of there were closed. You couldn’t just walk north into Chinatown, because the north side of the Mall was barricaded for the parade later that afternoon, and the nearest functioning subway station had a two hour line around the block.  So we walked all the way up behind the Capitol, past the Supreme Court building, and into Chinatown, arriving around two o’clock and waiting an hour for a table at the first restaurant we could get in.  The upside to all the walking was that I regained circulation in my feet.  The bad news was that they were not happy with me, and throbbed for days afterward.  Was it worth it?  Absolutely.  The people were all remarkably well behaved considering the crappy weather/transportation/food situations we all dealt with together.  How could I live in DC for such a moment and not go? Having my brother there to share the experience made it that much better. You're the ballz, Nuge.