Fancy Some Tea? One Spoonful of Crazy or Two?

Political protesters.  What a joy to observe.  I'm a big fan of participation in our political process in all its forms, but protesters are a breed unto themselves.  Theirs is such a curious psychology to me.  I remember as a kid hearing someone assert that a cow standing on the train tracks could derail the train.  I never really believed that.  Similarly, I've often questioned the effectiveness of protesters.  I would do so more vocally, except that I don't want to dampen their spirits.  They're so much more fun to watch when seized by gran mall apoplexy.  They are pawns who fancy themselves kings, often unaware of their own exploitation by powers just out of their frame of comprehension.  They get obsessed over a single issue, to the exclusion of all else and decide they're going to go speak truth to power, or their version of the truth according to their world view.  This means great fun for me, because in general, I couldn't give a rip about their truth.  I only care about their pageantry and costumes.  Every protest resembles a herd of sheep to some extent, all bleating some Orwellian nonsense like "Two Legs Bad, Four Legs Good!"  But with a group like the Tea Partiers, I think one has the right to expect to find a few shining diamonds in that bag of nuts.  So when I got word that none other than Jon "I'm Angelina's Daddy" Voight would be leading the crowd in a rousing display of rending garments and flinging feces, I grabbed my trusty camera and got myself down to the Capitol.

The show actually began on the metro on the way in to town as the Tea Partiers began their bonding by sharing stories of how much they loathed socialists and liberals and poors and sicks (even though many looked to be both of the latter.)  One woman spoke with great pride about how she had worked to come up with a scathing retort to any liberals referring to Tea Partiers as "tea baggers," a popular term on the political left these days.  She boasted, "I just look at them and say, no, I'm not a tea bagger.  I don't suck on mens' balls."  BURNED YOU, LIBTARDZ!!!  That's not a retort.  That's taking the dictionary definition of tea bagging and clinically denying that you participate in such acts.  That's not gonna shut anybody up, least of all some bigmouth liberal with whom you've engaged in personal warfare.  The term as it refers to her espoused affiliation has been in circulation for at least a year now, and that's the best response she could come up with.  How sad.  Kudos for use of the word 'balls' though.  That was at least half-funny.  But how about, "Better get used to it.  If your president gets his health care bill, tea baggin's gonna have to pass for a medical checkup from now on."  Or "As long as I'm in the comfort of my own home, I don't see how my activities with or without balls is any business of yours."  Dammit, that's a Cato Institute worthy response there.  Think, people!  Is that too much to ask?!  Crossing the street from the House office buildings to the south lawn of the Capitol, I heard the first of many "fuckin'-a, bros."  As I circulated through the crowd speaking with people and taking pictures, I was struck that many (maybe not most, but many) of these people were within the bell curve of being 'normal' folks, outside the context of politics.  I shared some laughs with people about the sun and the long journey to get to DC. We shot the bull about small stuff.  And then someone screeching from the podium up front would holler "kill the bill" and the whole body of zombie sheep would go into a hypnotic trance, pumping their fists and gnashing their teeth and chanting in unison.  I thought it was such a bizarre behavior.

Then I remembered a report I read recently about the aggression reward response in the brain, and how it involves the same chemicals and reward pathway as the reward response for sex and certain drugs.  And it hit me, protesters really get off on this rage.  When they get together and act out so aggressively, it's like they're "on the job," if you get my meaning.  They continue going to these events because they can't get enough of it.  They get addicted to the dopamine bathing their brains.  It stands to reason that it will take more and more to achieve the same results, so they will become louder and more aggressive (I'm pretty sure that's good science right there, folks.)  And they did once the formal rally finished and they all headed over to the House office buildings to wander around and yell truth to power and change the course of American history forever, one unhinged tantrum at a time.  I went with the flow and got some pics of all the action I could.  Here are some of my captures, with some personal commentary:

 Character.  Charisma.  COMMUNISM!!!!  Logical progression, right? 

MARXISM!!! Actually, I don't understand the Chicago-style part.  You mean like the pizza?  'Cause I love UNO.

Nice fanny pack, sir.  I like the way it matches your Mary Poppins umbrella and sandals.  Really ties the outfit together.

Sheik Salem bin-Sharrazz al Obama is public enemy #1.  Have you seen this man?

I'm so glad my daddy dragged me here on the first sunny Saturday of the year to use me as a political prop.  Isn't Democracy great??  Democracy my ass.  I didn't get a vote on what to do today. 

Quitters never win, doc.  But if you insist, best of luck to you.

  I don't even know what this is protesting.  Did you just grab this from a closet at the John Birch office?

No idea what a gas mask has to do with anything, but it looks awfully difficult to breath through.  Luckily it appears he is able to breath through his belly button.

  Leopard skin shirt?  Check.  Hunting camouflage pants?  Check.  Fanny pack?  Check.  Classy Lady? Double check.

Not even a little, Mr. President.  Although I do wish you'd put a leash on your former VP.

 

Speaking of VPs, I think Biden would second me when I say "f#%*ing Red Wings."

And the Chief Raging Crankypants himself, Jon Voight!  Nice sweater.

You see, Barack?!  See what you do with this SOCIALISM!!!  You're making George cry! In heaven!

Guys, seriously, we need to have a talk about the fanny packs.  It's gotten out of control.  This is how people get hurt.

One of these kids is not like the others.

Did you know that we are not living in America anymore?  Yeah, check out the highlighted circle at the bottom of the headstone.  America died on November 4th, 2008.  We have been living in Zombieland, USA, for almost TWO YEARS NOW!!!

Oh, look everybody!  It's Representative John Lewis.  Let's take some time out of our health care rage orgy for some good old fashioned race bashing.  Hey congressman, here's a quarter.  How 'boutcha shine my shoes.  And while you're at it, why don't you sing one them good negro work songs, like Camp Town Ladies.

 And then Boenher walked through the crowd and no less than 50 women and 12 men conceived babies on the spot just from the sight of his orange glow.  It was truly electric. 

Get a load of this guy's sweater.  Are the Greeks really the ones you want to have on your side in an economic argument right now?