Hair. It's a regular frustration to me. More precisely, getting it cut. Why is it so difficult to find a barber that knows how to cut men's hair? I walk into the shop and there they are, all lined up in their crepe-apron finery, hair school certificates tacked to the mirror behind them, as if that's supposed to instill some sort of confidence in their ability to sculpt a handsome coiffure. But I know better.
No, when I sit down and she asks "How you want cut," I know whatever I say next has no bearing on what I will actually get. I may as well tell her I want to look like this dapper fella up top here. Although I'm pretty sure he got exactly what he asked for, a fact that only magnifies my frustration. That kid, who probably nourishes his supple cheeks with a steady diet of Little Debbies, paint chips and gasoline fumes, walked into a barber shop somewhere in Knoxville and described that NASCAR Dreamcut to his barber, and the barber made it happen. Why can't I walk in and say, "I'd just like a trim. See how it is now? Cut it like that, but shorter." I even show her exactly how much I want cut off. Doesn't matter. She'll keep cutting until it is entirely uneven and uncombable. Is it a language barrier? Am I slurring my words? Lack of training? Lack of concern? Need for speed?
Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. The result is always the same. I leave looking like I cut it myself with a Swiss Army knife, sans mirror. I want to shave it bald every time I get home.
Some would suggest going to a real Aveda-style salon to get it done. To that I say, I am admittedly a man of certain vanities, but paying salon prices every month for a haircut is a bit left of equilibrium on my demand curve. If I were a woman getting my hair cut every 3-4 months, sure. No problem. But every 3-4 weeks gets to be a bit much. If I had the patience, I'd grow it out long so I wouldn't have to go through the trama so regularly. But I don't have that patience, so it's T-minus 3 weeks until the next trip to the butcher's. Maybe I'll just take a picture of NASCAR Toby up there with me. Couldn't get any worse.
Some girls actualy comb through hairstyle magazines like People and cut out pictures of their favorite actress, I mean haircut and take it in to the salon and say, "Make me look like her, I mean, cut my hair like this."
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should comb through GQ and find your perfect look, so when you present it and they butcher your hair, you could at least carry the picture around and tell your friends and clients, "My hair is supposed to look like this."
Next time just ask for the Telly Savalis.
ReplyDeleteYou should try a Suck Cut next time, just ask Garth.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of the top-dollar salons, I once, quite by mistake and when I had only recently arrived in our fair city, wandered into just such an establishment. The resulting do was, if anything, worse than the low-dollar special at whatever the nearest chain is.
ReplyDeleteAs a result, my policy is now to go for the lowest-priced cut available since, if you're going to end up looking like Sling Blade anyway, you might as well at least have the modest satisfaction associated with having saved a buck or two.
How's the tipping situation? maybe you should find a good barber and stick with them, tip well and they'll take care of you. In Spanish Fork I get much more than a haircut for my $15, I get a shave, catch up on town rumors, find out what bird or other ground dwelling creature is in season, find out where we are at on the farmers almanac so I know when I should be cutting my alfalfa, and see all the people walking in and out of Dirty Jo Punsters the black eye of Utah County (Also where I picked up the anal beads for Brad's Bachelor Party). So I say if you can find it in DC cling to it like a zebra cake!
ReplyDeleteThe benefits of life in Spanish Fork Utah are not lost on me, Brady. Here in DC, though, you're lucky to get a barber that speaks Enlish, let alone advice on trimming your alfalfa. Once, for a span of three hair cuts, I found a fantastic barber who was scrupulous about delivering a good cut, regardless of the fact that she was drunk every time. She even massaged my scalp afterward. Alas, the salon was bought by new management, and my drunken Chinese stylist disappeared without a trace.
ReplyDeleteat least you have the consolation that your hair grows back quickly if it's crap! mine does not and I find myself sitting in the salon chair with a death grip on the arms, just hoping that she doesn't screw it up! so once I found someone who allows me to sit relaxed in the chair, secure in the knowledge that she knows what she's doing, I'll happily slap down the 50 bucks and call it a good investment. and just FYI, I've always thought your hair was fantastic. :) just sendin' a little sisterly love your way.
ReplyDeleteuhhh, Travis, didn't I ask you to NOT post the picture of me on your blog? I can't get away from the bad decisions I made as a kid.
ReplyDelete